


Making It Right

by Grace_Among_the_Stars



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Betazoid, F/M, Guilt, Lon Suder - Freeform, Maquis, Murder, Remorse, Sexual Tension, Stalking, blame, will be a dark fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:24:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18063914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace_Among_the_Stars/pseuds/Grace_Among_the_Stars
Summary: This stems from a conversation in the bookclub about Suder and why Chakotay wasn’t involved in that story. I am fixing this oversight and will be looking at Suder's place on the ship, Chakotay's guilt and the debate about how the hell you punish someone for murder on a ship when you don't know long you will be stuck there .I'd like to thank Carly Roth and Purple Dog for the kind beta and their insights.Kudos and feedback welcomed and appreciated.





	1. Chakotay

A crew member is dead. That is all that really matters! 

It isn’t entirely unusual for starship crews to face death, especially in uncharted territory. On Voyager, it‘s a risk they all take together—Starfleet and Maquis alike. When one chooses this way of life, death is never far behind .

Now murder, that’s not expected. Even more unexpected is being murdered by a fellow crewman. The officer lying in the morgue had not expected to die because he looked at his comrade the wrong way.

 

Chakotay sighs. This one is on him. He brought Lon Suder onto the ship. He had never liked the man but it was a means to an end. 

Something in those dark eyes made him feel uneasy though. He saw how he killed Cardassians and that had been enough. The man knew how to not only kill them but he had seemed to have a knack for it. He would use his hands more often and take his time. Chakotay had been glad Suder was on his side. He would not have wanted to be the man's enemy. 

He asked the man once what had brought him to the Maquis. Usually, people answered with tales of lost loved ones and destroyed homes, but Suder’s answer chilled Chakotay down to his bones.

“No reason. But I do enjoy watching the light leave their eyes. Don’t you?”

Normally Chakotay would think this was a protective cover, a man not wanting to open up old wounds. That he understood but something had told Chakotay that Suder was stating a fact. 

A more noble version of him had wanted to believe people who joined that way of life, had a cause. They had been wronged by a deplorable enemy and wanted justice. On nights when he felt less noble, he knew some had joined for vengeance. He himself, would say it was about bringing an end to the reign of a species who were and still are, for all he knew, destroying families and homes. Sometimes when he was really honest with himself, he had wanted to get his pound of flesh, settle that score. He wanted to hurt them and make them feel what he felt. 

Those were usually the nights he took Seska to his bed. He would feel disgusted by his actions, he could never wash the blood off his hands, so he blocked it out by screwing a woman, who made him feel something other than rage. She soothed his anger and now, in retrospect, Chakotay could see she had been egging him on, making him feel better for his merciless acts. 

Suder on the other hand, didn't even want that. He seemed to get off on the savagery, the more the better. He never took solace in the arms of someone else. He just patiently waited until the next fight. 

As much as Suder was an engima to him, it had suited the situation. There were times that having him around had made life easier for the rest of them. While everyone else had balked at having to kill or torture for information,Suder, never had. So they used that. 

Yes, having a killer with no remorse came in handy on a Maquis ship. Not so much on a Starfleet one. Yet, Chakotay had not worried for his fellow crewmen. Suder had never harmed anyone on his original crew and although he had relished the Maquis way, he had supported the integration of both crews. He had shut down , Dalby and Chell when they were complaining about it, on more than one occasion. 

That's why he never mentioned his misgivings about Suder in the Maquis, to the Captain. Hell, Tuvok had saw the man in action and had not said a thing, so if the by the book Vulcan, hadn't been concerned why should he have been. Again it suited Chakotay to believe this. It allowed him to sleep at night. 

Chakotay had not questioned this. That is until, the comm went off in the middle of the night informing him he was wanted in engineering. Then it all went to hell. 

There was no way he could make up comforting lies to himself.  
There was as much blood on his hands as Suder’s. Too much blood . 

Sighing again, the First officer prepared himself to meet with Captain Janeway and decide a plan of action to handle this. Tuvok was still in sickbay because he had gone to far in trying to understand the Betazoid man. Chakotay could have told him without the aid of a Mind Meld. Damn the Vulcan and damn Suder too.

Walking the deck to the ready room, he ponders what would be best. He knew he wanted rid of Suder. He was an additional problem they didn't need. Not with Seska already out there raising hell. 

He knew that Janeway wouldn't go for that. She wouldn't put their problem onto some unsuspecting species. She was already handling this better. She wasn't doing what would suit them. She would do the right thing, even if it turned her stomach and made her unpopular. 

Chakotay had vowed to himself that he would do better this time. Nobody else would die because of Suder. It was on him to make this right.


	2. Decide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meld focussed on the killer but what about the victim? What about the his friends? This is a friend's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Carly Roth for her insight especially with regards to anxiety.

It gripped her like a vice. Squeezing the air from her lungs. It was too much! The fear, the crowds, the regular noise.  
A thud from her neighbour made her jump!  
Closing her eyes she tried to visualize her calm place, taking deep breaths as she did.  
Peace refused to come. The worry crawled towards her, as if it was shouting for her attention! 

Her body tensed, shoulders ached, her chest felt tight and she wanted to run! She fought the urge. Running wouldn't help her anyway. She could still see his eyes. The warm and jolly eyes of her friend. Hear his loud laugh followed by that cheesy grin. 

Gone: Those memories were overshadowed now by the sight of his cold and lifeless body! 

Her heart began racing, the sweat gathered on her palms.  
Now the eyes she could see were black and empty. There was an indifference to them, that left her cold.

She wanted to shake herself but as she stood by her bed, dressed in half her uniform, she couldn't do it. She couldn't make herself take a step forward and begin her day.

It would be so much easier to crawl back into the bed, but easy wasn't the Starfleet way. She wasn't raised that way. 

Neither was justice apparently because she had heard last night that the command team had decided that Suder’s punishment was under review. 

Feelings flooded her.

Hate  
Anger  
Bitterness  
Fear

She despised Suder and she was furious with Tuvok for losing himself in the investigation and now mentoring the killer. Her friend was gone, murdered and that damn Vulcan wanted to talk Orchids with his killer! She felt bitter towards Chakotay for bringing this evil on board and even more resentful at the Captain for destroying that damned Array that brought them all here in the first place.

Most of all she was frightened she was always going to feel this anxious and on edge, that her emotions would continue to disrupt her life and she would never again get a restful night’s sleep.

It was time for her duty shift.  
She could crawl back into bed or she could put on her Starfleet Issue boots and make-believe she was okay. Either option sucked, but right now it was all she had. All she had to do was decide.


End file.
